Saturday, January 21, 2006
now i finally understand how sad it was when u see someone who u loved is feeling sad ....
i am sad ...
my heart feel painful...
the broke into pieces because of the pain u feel for someone
i wait from the day to the night
from the noisy playground to a place like a silent graveyard
the laughter and the sadness all hurting my heart
my heart told me i will never left her alone ..
in the reality i couldnt do it ...
the sadness she feel n the hurts she receive like
thousands of waves ... beating me over and over again
life is not as strong as wat we think
the cheerful mindset will never stay
just wondering when will the sadness go away
life is forever unfair
thats y we dun want to stay but run away
a simple life is yet to be ...
how i wish i can have the freedom of bee
when the one u love was suffering
u cant imagine how deep she was hurting
the choice is in ur mind always beautiful
but the funny thing of human
is it seldom come true
u can be hack care for anyone but u will nv dun care abt someone
the one u love is always the one
this is something like a unspoken truth
u will say no to everything or everyone in the word but there is someone
u will always say yes because she is the one in ur heart
within my room
i cried n cried
however at the moment of leaving this room
i got to be a cheerful and happy
elder brother and
parent's son
its so ironic
when i listen to the cars
passing by my house the noises made by them sounds
like they are laughing at me
they laugh at me y am i got to behave in this way
but i just wondering
do i have a choice
my father might be lose his job
how can i not worry
i want the freedom but is seems so far for me
i know it will never come
being someone like me is the experience of
double character training
hahz
wat the hell is this cant be the true-self
wat is the purpose of my life
is it just to be like a robot listen to every single order
and follow instructions
wat the hell
i am a human
its so damn it ..
i make my dear feel so sad ..
i jus wondering wat the hell
is me doing
wat a big stupid retard i am ...
damn it
i dunno
ar ... tired and tired
each time i feel this way just made me wonder again why am i here in the world
in the first place
why i dun just go and
DIEthat will be easier at least there will be no more pressure
those stupid pressure will only made people feel
extremely tired
and to me
this kind of pressure i am not experience once or twice
only ..
it seems like a forever nightmare to me ..
it will nv stop and ever stop
i have this
but wat is the point of hating this while i cant help myself
i want to give up to the reality let the reality take over the control of me
however on the other hand i got to face it
there is nowhere i can run
nowhere i can go
of coz there is nowhere i can hide
thinking of the baby time
thre is always a baby concer for me to hide
now i got to stand up right n face watever damn shit that is
going to over take me
damn it i dun want to be take over by the reality
that not wat i want
wat the hell
but i got nothing to fight with with the stupid reality
i got
NOTHINGthe only thing i can do is
yea u defeated me
yea u win
i am
NOTHINGand always NOTHING!!!sorry dear for making u so sad...
its all darling's fault ... making u feel so bad
very sorry ...
hope u will forgive me ...
take goo care...
love u always ...
full of LOVE at
11:00 PM
Sunday, January 15, 2006
hahaz...
wa i got a long time nv write again
lol
hehez tml i am not going to school ~~
yes!!!
thanks to my mum help me lie to teacher !!
wahahaz...
lol...
this few days i am so happy lol
i guess i can see dear ba !!
hahaz
but ar.. dear sick le..
yesterday i am so worry ...
she vomit and feel giddy plus stomache..
i am so worry ..
lucky she now is ok le...
hope she will recover soon ...
hahaz...ar...today go church leh ..
but i got to say sorry to god...
lol
coz i am a bit tired... and almost fall to slp..
i am so sorry for that..
if william know...i think .. i will get scolding from him liao ..
lol
ar... time pass so fast... faster !!!
1st of feb!!! faster come !!!
that will be the 6 months for me and dear
which is the half year we stead liao
hahaz
this 6 months must celebrate hahaz
coz we only celebrate 6 months for once only mar!!
hahaz wat a lame reason ..
but that is ture !!
hahaz...we must tressure every single day!!
hahaz... thats the most important thing in our life...
wahahaz... of coz u must tressure the one u love and the one who loved u ...
(=
hahaz...
chinese new year also coming liao
hahaz
so happy ..
coz y ..
i think everybody has the same reason like me...
hahaz...
thats RED PACKET MONEY!!!
wahahaz...
last year money all go for OLEVEL
finally now this year will go to my pocket lol..stupid MOE steal my last years red packet money ..
lol...
wa i am looking forward to the future ..
wahahaz.. especially for me and dear..
lol..
wat else can i say..
dear i love u !!!
tom
full of LOVE at
9:09 PM
Sunday, January 08, 2006
today is sunday ..
another raining day ...
rain and rain and rain...
today i made dear angry again
this few days i keep making her angry..
haiz..
u this stupid Tom dunno wat u doing ..
haiz...
but she still angry ...
dear .. very sorry ... i should listen to u..
actually all i want is just to see u for a while more..
i made u angry again ...
very sorry...
as today's service...
i must like myself...
but i think i keep making her angry...
how am i going to like this tom..
haiz...
god help me...
plz ...mum told me so many things...
i couldnt dun think abt it...
she dun want us to worry...
but i am the oldest kid in my family ..
how am i going to not worry abt it..
haiz...
its just so kuku..
but life still must carry on ..
hahaz... must think positively... otherwise devil will take this opportunity to attack us..
yea..
dear...darling hope u will not be angry le ...
very sorry for that...
no matter wat..
darling just want to let u know...
I LOVE U
tom
full of LOVE at
8:27 PM
Thursday, January 05, 2006
today's life was just the same... sian and sian and sian
but today ... i finally know...
actually i am not a very good boyfriend at all
yea .. i make the one i love... so sad ...
i am such a asshole...
i will nv forget this ..
TOM U MUST REMEMBER THIS DUN MAKE HER FEEL SAD AND TALK WITHOUT THINKING...LASTLY, DEAR I AM VERY SORRY FOR ALL THE THINGS I DONE TO U...BUT JUST WANT TO LET U KNOW ... I AM REALLY LOVE U i realise...
yea... no one is perfect.. but i am really too far away to perfect..
such a small thing i also cannot figure out...
there is nobody 's fault ... but all becoz of me ...
the fight between parents and making dear feel so sad...
yesterday is the worst day of my life so far...
first i upset my parents..
second i upset my dear...
third...i am sorry to everyone who cares abt me...
dear in my heart will nv be replace...
without her...
the world is meaningless...
i had been thinking and wondering entire day...
every moment i am thinking of wat is she doing....
some people say...
love...
sometimes... reach a certain time... it will not be so hot already...
actually is really depend on the people...
to all the guys...
for u all...
when u cant see ur gf ... do u feel very upset and dun have energy to do ath...
yea i did...
for those who can still have energy to play...
wahahaz... here i got to say god bless u
when my dear not beside me ...
i am thinking of her ... its ture. ..
i cant really have much energy to do things... yea is true...
i dun think i will even have the mood to play..
maybe some of the guys may say .. yea.. they are not there but .. life still must carry on
yea is true ... i agree... but
sometimes...
love is a very strange thing to me..
yea... i know everything still must carry on ...
but i just cant do ath ... yea..
her face... is appearing every moment in my brain ...
i miss her face... miss the huggings from her... miss the kisses from her...
miss everything abt her..
miss can be such a strong feeling...
hahaz... yea
i got to say loudly ...
i know
I CANT LIVE WITHOUT HER...SOME PEOPLE MAY THINK .. WAAHAHZ.. WAT A RETARDED SENTENCE...BUT TO ME ...I KNOW... I REALLY CANT LIVE WITHOUT HERshe is the one who cheer me up everytime... treat me so good ...
i got to thank god... that he give me such a wonderful girlfriend ( future wife)
yea
i love u dear... sorry for making u feel so sad...
last thing to say ... is to my dear...
dear...
we stead for 5 months le...
in this 5 months we had passed throught a lot of things together...
thanks that u are still here with me ...
in this 5 months .... our love grow stronger...
and deeper...
all i want to say...
is thanks for being there... when i need u ....
and all the things u had done for me...
u are the most lovely dear in the world to me...
last but not least...
I LOVE U <3thanks for ur love tom
full of LOVE at
7:12 PM
Wednesday, January 04, 2006
i am tired...
i hate being strong when i am so suck at it ..
i am tired of it...
tom
full of LOVE at
5:25 PM
Tuesday, January 03, 2006
today is my first day of school..
JC sucks man ...
i hate it...
the entire day i had been missing my dear ...
haiz..
i dunno y i just find it so bored...
and i dun want to go there anymore...
parents force me to go...
me myself dun want to go
...
haiz...
wat should i do..
should i follow myself or listen to the parents..
haiz...
damn it ..
i dunno wat to do le...
got parents...
if i nv go ... they will be mad and sad at me ...
if i go...i got to suffer the stupid 3 months..
which i dun feel any enjoyment...
damn it ...
y i cant have the right to decide..
hai..
i am really lose...
wat else can i do ..
in the entire life time...
i had been listening them for all the time..
cant just let me decide once for myself..
am i really 19 or 9 only ...
wat is the man....i dunno ..
it seems so dunno wat...
becoz of so many thing ... haiz..
now i am in the lose...
wat should i do ...
God u say i can seek for ur help ... but ...
when will the help come..
its jsut so complicated...
i am so tired of this ...
forward looking .... haiz.. i am tired of it liao...
positive thinking...
haiz...
i dunno ... for me now...
its just suck...
haiz...
i hate it man..
i even hate myself...
oh my goodness
its damn tired...
in the parents i got to be a good son
in the brother and sister i got to show good example...
there r so many things...
i am super tired...
the tiredness when will it go away...
dear ...today i very sorry abt that...
tom...
tml still got the bloody sch...
haiz...
it seems i am one step nearer to the ......
full of LOVE at
11:29 PM